damnit, left one preview off.
Curtain v. Bandits
Basically the same team facing off against each other. Good teams, except crappy WRs. which is a problem in the current era of the NFL where you have lots of WRs which would have been early round material earlier in the history of this league.
btw - do any of guys want to do a live draft next year, like we did 6 years ago? cuz that would be cool. we could meet, and, talk about our feelings and stuff.
oh right, the matchup. goes to curtain, and for a lot more points than yahoo says.
alrighty, g'nite everyone, and the main lesson to learn from all this is always buy at least one more Bud Ice than you think you need. that's why fridges exist.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Week 2 previews
Will drinking make Chris funny? We’ll soon find out …
Apples v. Hoof Hearted
Congrats in order for the Commish, who’ll be handing over his manhood next month.
Looks like it’ll be more of the same this week as of his top three players, one’s out, and two others are nicked up heading into this weekend. Having 7 out of 8 games on the road certainly doesn’t help either. Should your not-so humble author tempt fate again with another 7 man lineup this week?
Why is Barack holding an ABA ball? Haven’t seen one of those in years.
Damn, should have bought some more booze.
How much do you have to drink before going on Youtube and blasting old songs from your childhood and stewing in bitterness of how the young whippersnappers these days make crappy music?
Or is it just me…
Playing now…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RJwW77Lsj8&ob=av2n
So, we’re onto: Korn on the Kolb v. Upstate Underdogs
UPSET OF THE WEEK!!! I’m going with UU on this one? Why? Because I like dogs. And I liked that Underdog cartoon as a kid watching USA “Cartoon Express”. Btw- it’s funny how painfully low budget all those old Hanna-Barbera cartoons were.
And I don’t like Korn. Though I like corn. Burnt With garlic and butter.
Duke Plays Football v. Nads of Steel
I get Robert Meachem confused with Devery Henderson. B/c they both play w/New Orleans. Everyone who picks them hopes they’ll be good, b/c they’re playing on turf with a good QB, and they get light single coverage while the main NO WR (Joe Horn, Colston, Moore, etc.) get covered more tightly. And they never deliver. I’ve been hearing about both so longer I figured they were like ancient, like 32 or something.
Huh – he was born in 1984.
That makes me feel younger and somewhat lessens the constant dread of inevitable mortality I’ve been feeling and trying to chase away with Bud Ice. Which I should have bought more of. See above.
But the point is that DPF should pull the mild upset here. Especially since on top of the Nads health problems on his squad, I’m not sold on Manning or Wells. Particularly Eli. Having a famous dad and brother’s only going to get you so far.
Onward ho to Horn Supremacy v. ballsacks
All sorts of analysis could be done here, but having to start “Andre Roberts” on week 2 morally offends me.
(I wish I could make a smart remark about moral offense, but I’m just not smart or witty enough)
Oedipus Rex Ryan v. capital city coastals
(Mind jumps from Oedipus Rex to “King of Pain” by the Police, to Rex Ryan and wondering if he’s still alive, to capital city and “Suffergette City” by Bowie)
They were many more digressions, but they’ll take too long. (PROUST!!!!!)
Fast-forwarding music wise: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAusT_Yl1gE&ob=av3e
The Caps, save Roy Williams’ over-the-hill ass, looks better than their projections.
The head says ORR, the heart says CCC. I haven’t drank enough yet to go with the heart, so I’m going with ORR.
(Sigh: only about 6-8 oz. or so, if that, of Bud Ice. Btw – Bud Ice, has a great calorie to booze ratio. Check it out if you don’t believe me)
Apples v. Hoof Hearted
Congrats in order for the Commish, who’ll be handing over his manhood next month.
Looks like it’ll be more of the same this week as of his top three players, one’s out, and two others are nicked up heading into this weekend. Having 7 out of 8 games on the road certainly doesn’t help either. Should your not-so humble author tempt fate again with another 7 man lineup this week?
Why is Barack holding an ABA ball? Haven’t seen one of those in years.
Damn, should have bought some more booze.
How much do you have to drink before going on Youtube and blasting old songs from your childhood and stewing in bitterness of how the young whippersnappers these days make crappy music?
Or is it just me…
Playing now…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RJwW77Lsj8&ob=av2n
So, we’re onto: Korn on the Kolb v. Upstate Underdogs
UPSET OF THE WEEK!!! I’m going with UU on this one? Why? Because I like dogs. And I liked that Underdog cartoon as a kid watching USA “Cartoon Express”. Btw- it’s funny how painfully low budget all those old Hanna-Barbera cartoons were.
And I don’t like Korn. Though I like corn. Burnt With garlic and butter.
Duke Plays Football v. Nads of Steel
I get Robert Meachem confused with Devery Henderson. B/c they both play w/New Orleans. Everyone who picks them hopes they’ll be good, b/c they’re playing on turf with a good QB, and they get light single coverage while the main NO WR (Joe Horn, Colston, Moore, etc.) get covered more tightly. And they never deliver. I’ve been hearing about both so longer I figured they were like ancient, like 32 or something.
Huh – he was born in 1984.
That makes me feel younger and somewhat lessens the constant dread of inevitable mortality I’ve been feeling and trying to chase away with Bud Ice. Which I should have bought more of. See above.
But the point is that DPF should pull the mild upset here. Especially since on top of the Nads health problems on his squad, I’m not sold on Manning or Wells. Particularly Eli. Having a famous dad and brother’s only going to get you so far.
Onward ho to Horn Supremacy v. ballsacks
All sorts of analysis could be done here, but having to start “Andre Roberts” on week 2 morally offends me.
(I wish I could make a smart remark about moral offense, but I’m just not smart or witty enough)
Oedipus Rex Ryan v. capital city coastals
(Mind jumps from Oedipus Rex to “King of Pain” by the Police, to Rex Ryan and wondering if he’s still alive, to capital city and “Suffergette City” by Bowie)
They were many more digressions, but they’ll take too long. (PROUST!!!!!)
Fast-forwarding music wise: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAusT_Yl1gE&ob=av3e
The Caps, save Roy Williams’ over-the-hill ass, looks better than their projections.
The head says ORR, the heart says CCC. I haven’t drank enough yet to go with the heart, so I’m going with ORR.
(Sigh: only about 6-8 oz. or so, if that, of Bud Ice. Btw – Bud Ice, has a great calorie to booze ratio. Check it out if you don’t believe me)
Friday, December 17, 2010
Week 14 Wrapup Continued
Ballsacks 76, Bama Runts 67
How could I lose to both of these ridiculously pitiful squads?? To Sax, I hope you’ve been practicing your curls as we’re going to tip back a few this weekend. 
Week 14 wrapups
Wow, not even one playoff spot on the line going into the last week of the season. That’s a new low for this league. (Other than the sexism, racism, homophobia, public drunkeness, etc)
Nads 102, Steel Curtain 91 (Matchup of the Week)
With absolutely nothing to gain by winning this matchup but a worse draft pick in 2011, somehow the Nads’s squad found inspiration and put up stud like numbers against the league’s highest scoring team. That $10 high score is about to buy me one cheek (or half a lapdance). To my 2010 keeper Favre: RIP. 
Hoof Hearted 100, Horn Supremacy 85
What an impressive season for Hoof… Grantville Bandits were the only squad to top this juggernaut. After digging through the fantasy football archives, this is the winningest season on record as no team has ever run the table (don’t even get me started on the Pats in ’07). Vic hasn’t won the regular season since 2001, and like in real life, is a superbowl virgin. To Vic’s cherry: RIP.
Kolb 68, Duke Plays Football 45
Due to the Nads drubbing of the Steel Curtain, DPF snuck in the 3 hole with an embarrassing 45 point performance. (Almost as embarrassing as DPF’s 44 point performance loss to me in week 4.) DPF has got to be seriously depressed after posting both the 2nd and 3rd worst weekly totals all season. I suggest he forfeit his playoff spot to the next in line worthy opponent… no? oh well, worth a shot. This matchup will be replayed this week as Kolb had already all but secured the 1st loser (runnerup) award. To all lawyers in the league that are not named George: screw you, I’m going home
Oedipus Rex 72, Grantville Bandits 65
This was the “SACKO BOWL” of our league. And although ORR put a ‘W’ on the board, the point deficient was just too great. I’ve just FedExed to ORR an exact replica mold of my scrotum to be proudly displayed on your mantle. I also just have to laugh when I see that SF put up 40 points last week, yet Michael Crabtree, the supposed “messiah” coming into this year only managed 1 catch for 1 yard. Good riddens. To the Sacko: 1st pick overall is overrated (call me)
Crimson Pride 81, Apples 56
Last year’s champ (Apples) rode Michael Vick into the sunset with a hell of a keeper next year. Meanwhile Patric stunningly was too worried about a 25 point buffer to risk starting a 2nd WR in a meaningless game as they might fumble 13 times. I suspect the commissioner will perform an intensive investigation as to why TB/Arrelious Benn (139 yards) was benched. Or not… To Apples: should have quit when you were on top
Ballsacks 76, Bama Runts 67
How could I lose to both of these ridiculously pitiful squads?? To Sax, I hope you’ve been practicing your curls as we’re going to tip back a few this weekend.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Week 13 Previews
Virginia Apples v. Ballsacks
Yahoo! Prediction: Apples by 15
This game could not matter less to the playoff picture - which is pretty amazing considering the Apples own the biggest surprise of this fantasy (or real life) season: Michael Vick. Even before Vick's monster performance against Houston, the Apples were projected to roll. Yahoo doesn't lie here.
ORR v. Horn Supremacy
Yahoo! Prediction: ORR by 6
Surprise, Surprise: we found a game that mattered less than Apples v. Sacks. In a matchup between two teams with a combined 7 wins, it's no surprise that the highest projected scorer is... umm.. Josh Freeman. Having kept Sidney Rice on his roster the entire season, the Horn Supremacy is looking to carry some good tidings into next season, which is all that they're playing for now. ORR wins, but won't cover.
Duke Plays Football v. Grantsville Bandits
Yahoo! Prediction: Duke by 4
These two teams are a mere 3 points apart, but are separated by mirror 8-4 and 4-8 records. With AP's health in question, and Grantsville carrying the MNF trump card with Deion Branch and LDT, look for a rare fortunate turn for the Bandits.
Nads v. Runts
Yahoo! Prediction: Nads by 2
Nads are in an absolute must-win situation - and who would have thought at the beginning of the season that someone's playoff chances will ride on the legs of Peyton Hillis, who has carried the runts the entire season. With Brandon Jacobs running against the Skins, and Hillis continue to churn out one great week after another, the Runts should deliver the death knell to the Nads' season in this contest.
Korn on the Kolb v. Steel Curtain
Yahoo! Prediction: Curtain by 5
Some misguided folks would label this the matchup of the season between the two best teams - they would be wrong - the best team in the league is 11-1, and both of these teams have lost at least 3 games. With Brady working against Rexy on MNF, expect the Curtain to chalk up loss no. 5 of the season, which is quite a few more than the best team in the league.
Hoof Hearted v. Crimson Pride
Yahoo! Prediction: Pride by 3
Next Man Up must be the theme of the season this point forward for Hoof Hearted. Having rode the legs of Frank Gore and Ray Rice to this point of the season, LaGarrett Blount must step up into the void vacated by Gore. Blount's performance last week lacked punch, and if that continues, the Hoofers will have to wait one more week before clinching the regular season title.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Week 12 Wraps
(1) Steel Curtain defeated Grantville -- It looked like this would be a close one until Dwayne Bowe decided it was time to "bowe it up" yet again. I feel bad for any team that runs into what many consider to be the best team in the league. If you put up 99 in this league and lose by 30, that's just tough luck.
(2) Kolb defeated Nads -- Some might argue Kolb is the best team in this league, and a solid argument could be made. Another strong effort, even with A-Hole Rivers not producing much. But it's hard to win a week when your 3 wide receivers earn a total of 5.3 points.
(3) Hoof Hearted defeated Ballsacks -- Now on to the luckiest team in the league. Gore gets injured, but only after he barely gets enough points to eek out a win. If Ballsacks plays Devin Hester instead of a crappy RB, he wins. Hoof has won matchups this season with totals of 73, 82, 79, and 67. He also won this week with the 10th highest score in a 12-team league. Can you tell I'm bitter?
(4) Duke over Horn -- Another remarkably lucky team, Duke kept itself in the top of the playoff hunt with an astounding 77 points. The bad news for the Horn is that it put its optimal team on the field and could only muster 70 points.
(5) Apples over Runts -- Though the Apples are on the outside looking in, they dropped an impressive 107 on the Runts. While the Apples are 4th in points, they still need a lot of help to find their way into the playoffs. For the Runts, time to look ahead to 2012.
(6) Crimson over Oedipus -- The one thing that really sticks out to me from this match-up is that Yahoo somehow projected Keiland Williams to get 17.20 points. Keiland freaking Williams! What? Alas, he only got 2.60 points and Oedipus could not take advantage of a bad night from Peyton.
(2) Kolb defeated Nads -- Some might argue Kolb is the best team in this league, and a solid argument could be made. Another strong effort, even with A-Hole Rivers not producing much. But it's hard to win a week when your 3 wide receivers earn a total of 5.3 points.
(3) Hoof Hearted defeated Ballsacks -- Now on to the luckiest team in the league. Gore gets injured, but only after he barely gets enough points to eek out a win. If Ballsacks plays Devin Hester instead of a crappy RB, he wins. Hoof has won matchups this season with totals of 73, 82, 79, and 67. He also won this week with the 10th highest score in a 12-team league. Can you tell I'm bitter?
(4) Duke over Horn -- Another remarkably lucky team, Duke kept itself in the top of the playoff hunt with an astounding 77 points. The bad news for the Horn is that it put its optimal team on the field and could only muster 70 points.
(5) Apples over Runts -- Though the Apples are on the outside looking in, they dropped an impressive 107 on the Runts. While the Apples are 4th in points, they still need a lot of help to find their way into the playoffs. For the Runts, time to look ahead to 2012.
(6) Crimson over Oedipus -- The one thing that really sticks out to me from this match-up is that Yahoo somehow projected Keiland Williams to get 17.20 points. Keiland freaking Williams! What? Alas, he only got 2.60 points and Oedipus could not take advantage of a bad night from Peyton.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Week 11 Wraps
A solid week for the playoff contenders as each of Hoof, Nads, Duke, Steel and Korn kept up their winning ways to inch closer to the playoffs.
Steel Curtain vs. Horn Supremacy - The Steel Curtain lived up to their name in the thrashing of the Horns, much like the Aggies did on Thanksgiving.
Duke vs Crimson - Duke was able to pull out a squeaker in a low scoring affair that kept them in the drivers seat for a playoff spot.
Hoof vs Virginia - Hoof clinched the first playoff spot with their victory over the Apples in the closest bout of the day thanks to a huge effort by Greg Jennings.
Nads of Steel vs. Bandits - Nads kept in contention with a strong victory over the Bandits, who every week seem to keep it close every week just to fall short.
Korn vs. Bama - The three-headed monster running attack of MoJo, Arian and The Jax, along with the bombing away of Rivers helped Korn overcome the absence of the top TE in the league.
Oedipus vs ballsacks - In the battle for the cellar, Oedipus put the hurtin on the ballsacks and have inched closer to respectability, now only one game behind the Peloton.
Steel Curtain vs. Horn Supremacy - The Steel Curtain lived up to their name in the thrashing of the Horns, much like the Aggies did on Thanksgiving.
Duke vs Crimson - Duke was able to pull out a squeaker in a low scoring affair that kept them in the drivers seat for a playoff spot.
Hoof vs Virginia - Hoof clinched the first playoff spot with their victory over the Apples in the closest bout of the day thanks to a huge effort by Greg Jennings.
Nads of Steel vs. Bandits - Nads kept in contention with a strong victory over the Bandits, who every week seem to keep it close every week just to fall short.
Korn vs. Bama - The three-headed monster running attack of MoJo, Arian and The Jax, along with the bombing away of Rivers helped Korn overcome the absence of the top TE in the league.
Oedipus vs ballsacks - In the battle for the cellar, Oedipus put the hurtin on the ballsacks and have inched closer to respectability, now only one game behind the Peloton.
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