Thursday, October 16, 2008
Week 6 Regrets, Recaps
Purple Jebus over Crimson Pride 60 - 45
This game defined the week that was in non-fantasy (aka "American") football. Like the Giants, Cowboys, and Redskins, Crimson Pride was established as one of the "elite" teams in the league. Still, a weird week can make paupers into princes and vice-versa. This game featured several enticing matchups for Crimson Pride fans. Favre against the Bengals, Adrian Peterson against the Lions, and Reggie Bush against the Raiders. Fortunately Reggie Bush came through, unfortunately for the Pride, he couldn't push the rest of the team in for the win like he pushed Matt Leinart into the endzone in Notre Dame stadium. Also, he took money illegally from boosters and by rights, Brady Quinn should have a national championship trophy instead of a mini-fridge filled with Myoplex.
Coastals over Dawn 70 - 62
First of all, congrats to Mark for having a score that could have won some other games. I'm sure when he woke up on Sunday and saw DeAngelo Williams, Tim Hightower, and Deuce McAllister staring him down from across the field, he thought he might have a shot at this one. Sadly for him, Drew Brees is going to be the MVP of the league and he showed it Sunday with a brutal performance that even outscored Mark's kicker... which was actually not easy to do. Sorry Akers, sorry Mark. I feel your pain. Last year I had a great team until I traded Drew Brees, Steven Jackson, and Chad Johnson for Peyton Manning and Ronnie Brown, only to have Brown's knee explode and Drew, Jax, and Ocho-cinco lead the other team to a regular season title. Drew Brees, what a dick.
Nads over Elmos 61 - 49
Hey! It's Braylon Edwards? Remember that guy? From the cover of your fantasy football magazine? Apparently he's still good at football. This is the game that launched a million tortured waiver decisions about whether to pick up Derek Anderson. Was it a total fluke, or is he a marginally pro-bowl caliber qb again? My biggest regret is not checking the score of this game to find out I had to write these wraps. My second biggest is not going to a bar where Michael Phelps was hanging out when I was in Michigan a few years ago. Wait, that isn't a regret at all. I hate that guy.
Hoof over Curtain Icks 72 - 49
Marvin Harrison shot a guy in Philly, and he also apparently put a bullet in the Steel Curtain this week. Also, it appears Vic prefers a good matchup to a good player, because he started Aaron "I have no throwing shoulder but I can't sit a game out or everyone will know I'm not Brett Favre and take away my Vicodin prescriptions" Rodgers over Peyton "Cut That Meat" Manning. Regret for this game is the time in law school that Professor Barack Obama was teaching a class and I chose not to take it so I could take a class from a visiting professor on Foreign Relations law. That visiting professor: John Yoo. Surprisingly nice guy, and I knew him before he was famous, but he didn't get famous in quite the same way as Obama. More torture-y.
Ballsacks over Apples 89 - 32
I'm not a math guy, but there are 4 possible combinations of two players that Ballsacks could have started to win this game. When the other team can do that, you usually lose the game. If the Sacks had started Thomas Jones and Jamal Lewis and benched everyone else, they would be writing these recaps. Also, they would have our undying respect. Now they get neither, and have to hear about a loosely related tragedy from my past. Once I was a big time NFL running back and I inexplicably decided to buy five kilos of cocaine. Then I went to jail. How crazy is that?
Breach Kid over Lights Out 84 - 75
These guys probably watched the Cowboys game, and if Terrell Owens managed to not be the lowest-scoring representative of his team in this game, Lights Out might have won. Alas, football is fickle and a game of inches and on any given Sunday etc. etc. Whatever, this was a great game with little to criticize. Even Anthony Fasano got into the mix (arguably), and that is good because he went to Notre Dame, and I've sort of lost steam on this recaps. Actually, it happened when I was talking about Michael Phelps. So my personal tragedy or regret is that I totally mailed this one in. Someone please beat me next week, or at least win with fewer points.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Week 6 Previews - Wolverine Style -- Shnickety Shnack
As most of the games this week will be played on October 12th, let us compare this weeks match ups to movies starring the 2nd greatest Australian thespian of our time: Hugh Jackman, who was born on that day.
happyvalleycoastals vs. Dawn of a New Day – “Flushed Away”
In “Flushed Away”, Jackman lends his voice to a rat who thinks he’s big shit until he gets sent down the sewer into a hidden rat city that sucks, kinda like
Hvc > DoaND, 63-56
Hoof Hearted vs. Steel Curtain IX – “The Fountain”
Spanning over one thousand years, and three parallel stories where all three main characters are played by Jackman, The Fountain is a story of love, death, spirituality, and the fragility of our existence in this world. In the movie, Jackman’s character is having trouble getting over the death of his beloved Thomasina Brady. In parallel, he’s also a conquistador back in the day trying to find the fountain of youth and in the future he’s some tripped out space traveler stuck in a bubble with a tree. Either way, he can’t get over the fact that something he loves is gone. Maybe playing against a Sammy Morris/Justin Fargas backfield will help him get by.
SC-IX > HH, 68-45
Save Me Purple Jebus vs. Crimson Pride – “Happy Feet”
Forget that this movie is about Penguins singing and the ultimate banning of fishing in the Antarctic region. If we concentrate on Jackman’s part alone, he plays
ballsacks vs. Big Apples – “Kate and Leopold”
Jackman plays Leopold who comes to current day
bs > BA, 60-48
Breach Kid vs. LightsOut – “Van Helsing”
Forget the storyline all together; this movie had all the makings of a hit—Jackman as the hero, Kate Beckinsale in leather tights and with Transylvanian accent, and other hot vampire women wearing next to nothing. Turns out, the movie, while it did well in returns, sucked ass. Basically, this is a case of not meeting expectations. In fantasy football, there are only very few expectations: have your roster ready and write-up either wrap-ups or previews. This week LightsOut = FAIL.
BK > LO, 71-60
Tackle Me Elmo vs. Nads of Steel – “Swordfish”
One of the better movies in Hugh’s repertoire, Swordfish is a story about a renegade group that taps Jackman’s character, the greatest hacker in the world, to break into a system where a bank loads a crap load of money. Jackman’s character is basically a tool, but John Travolta is a certifiable badass—when you think you’ve got him all figured out and down for the count, he puts up the weekly high score and is asked to write the previews.
TME > NoS, 80-65
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Week 3 Wrap-ups
Breach Kid – Dawn of a New Day
Before this week’s matchups began, Jack was in a little trouble figuring out which team he would pull for. On one side, Dawn of a New Day, is a model of Jack’s life. Kim still isn’t sure how she feels about her dad, someone in the White House is corrupt, and Jack’s lover just got kidnapped. A hypothetical “New Day” would be a breath of fresh air. On the other side is good explination of what Jack is: a human breaching charge. Kickin’ in doors and cappin’ anyone that looks at him the wrong way. Logically, since Jack is a killing machine, there really was only one choice: Breach Kid. As far as football, there was a lot of under-production in this matchup. But, it’s all about letting your stars shine. The Cowboy Combo once again put up enough points to carry the team to victory. Jack also wants to add that it doesn’t matter if you kill a man with your bare hands or with a gat, he’s gunna be dead.
Breach Kid: 41 Hungarians and 6 fingers removed by Jack
Dawn of a New Day: 36 male jihads and 1 female suicide bomber
happyvalleycoastals – Save Me Purple Jebus
This was a matchup that called for some tears to be shed. Jack knows all about sheding some tears. Yes, even real men cry. And if Jack isn’t a real man, I don’t want to know who is. Jack was glad to see that real victory in fantasy football is just like real life: it takes sacrifice. Jack sacrificed his freedom to go to a Chinese prison for the security of the American Nation. Like our great nation, happyvalleycoastals came away with a positive, although almost every player’s real team took a loss. Not to mention that his star running back Westbrook left the game with a questionable injury. But, it’s for the nation’s glory. Even the Save Me Purple Jebus took a blow with Roethlisberger putting up negative points.
happyvalleycoastals: a comfortable 69 neo-nazis, and 1 ear for good measure
Save Me Purple Jebus: 36 columbian drug cartel drones and a 1 little boy who’s airgun didn’t have an orange tip
Nads of Steel – Hoof Hearted
As much as you’d think that Jack would immediately state his side with Nads of Steel, remember that Jack is a human being and he did father that beautiful Kim Bauer. So, we know the nads are real. And Jack has a lighter side, which is why Jack seemed to favor Hoof Hearted in this situation. It is rumored that Jack has in fact cracked a laugh or two, although it was while he was reloading his glock to kill more perps that just ran right into a makeshift trap he just made with nothing more than a few sticks and his shoelaces. All this being said, Jack did have trouble not shooting Houshmandzadeh. Let’s just get this straight, Jack’s met a lot of people with similar last names that tried to rape his daughter. Nothing personal to Housh, it’s just how it’s been for Jack.
Hoof Hearted: 73 Crips that called Jack a “fake ass gansta”
Nads of Steel: 53 wives that tried to manipulate their husbands for their position in critical national security roles
Steel Curtain IX – BigApples
Yet another easy one for Jack. Steel Curtain? Now you’re starting to remind Jack of the Soviet Union. Which only means a threat to America. BigApples…hmmm…well, heck, Jack can think of anything that associated with apples and it’s sure to be better than some soviets. BigApples reminded Jack of the good old days when it use to be him, Terri and Kim. The 3 of them could handle anything. Well, almost anything. BA got 3 big performances from Palmer (…he is the president), Addai and Jones-Drew. But, above all, this week’s WAAAMBULANCE award goes to the Steel Curtain. Benching Ronnie Brown and McClain was the downfall. Like Jack knows, you gotta play the right people at the right time. Jack knows he’s always the right person to play, but he needs the right people in office and on his tech team to get the job done. It’s a valuable lesson.
BigApples: 60 Soviets and 60 smashed bottles of vodka (not sure about the conversion rate of the worth of vodka to people in the soviet union)
Steel Curtain IX: 44 corrupt CTU agents
Tackle Me Elmo – LightsOut
This just must be Jack’s week. “Lights Out”: the perfect conclusion for a Jack Bauer mission. If TO actually had a normal game, this would have been the week’s overall point leader. But, it was not meant to be. However, Jack will give up a golfer’s clap for all but 2 players hitting double digits. Impressive. Not as impressive as saving a nation from a nuclear threat, but, solid. Elmo, there’s also a valuable lesson in here for you too. Never rely on one man, LT, to carry your team to victory…unless that man is Jack Bauer. Simple, yet concise, theme.
LightsOut: 84 varied crooks and thieves and Ellen DeGeneres (she’s half a man, right?)
Tackle Me Elmo: 38 passengers with bags of luggage that “ticked”
Crimson Pride – ballsacks
Jack must have relapsed on some coke for this matchup. Crimson Pride almost doubled up the ballsacks (and Jack says that in the least gay way possible; and if you don’t believe him, better watch your back). Looks like Brett Favre hasn’t lost his touch. People said the same thing about Jack, and we all know how that turns out. Behind Turner, Favre and the Bush, an easy win.
Crimson Pride: 93 Chinese kung-fu ninjas and one zheng player (collateral)
ballsacks: 48 Frenchies (they didn’t put up much of a fight)
That's it for now. Keep it clean, boys.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Week 2 Wrap-Ups
Eventually we are going to run out of themes and the lowest-scoring winner will face a choice between a waiver demotion and a Tuesday filled with furious wikipedia research in order to compare each game to episodes of "The Fall Guy" or to Governors General of India and Pakistan between 1947 and 1958 (hint: you want to be Muhammad Ali Jinnah). Say what you will about the Sports Guy, we've all collectively ripped off every single one of his gimmicks. Movie quotes? Check. Gambling lines? Check. A post that is just a thin excuse for youtube clips? Check. Maybe I'll have my girlfriend write a sidebar post? How about a running diary? It is only a matter of time until Vic does a podcast that lasts three hours and is focused entirely on creating a power rankings for seasons of The Wire. Maybe he'll invite Cousin Sal and Dooz. I think one of those might be a dog.
Without further ado, I will spin the cultural reference wheel... and the framework into which I will shoehorn these recaps is...
Star Wars movies.
Game/Episode 1 The Phantom Menace
Purple Jebus 41 Big Apples 28
Like the movie, these teams had high expectations. Joseph Addai and Steven Jackson seemed like bankable stars, remember? It was like three weeks ago. Now they look like Ewan McGregor and Liam Neeson... you don't mind seeing them in a film, but they don't seem to deserve top billing. The only real excitement in the movie was an over-hyped pod race, which was supposed to showcase revolutionary special effects, but actually was boring and hard to follow. This game had a similarly disappointing climax. The two teams were essentially tied going into the Sunday night game when Big Ben and Jeff Reed would face off. Like I said, not too exciting. Anyway, Big Ben outscored his kicker in a game made infinitely more boring by incredibly windy conditions. At least Santonio Holmes wasn't involved. The only embarrassing picture of him I know of is in the full-frontal category. Let's just say if football doesn't work out and Santonio decides to take up baseball, he will save money by not having to buy a bat.
Game/Episode 2 Attack of the Clones
HVC 92 Hoof Hearted 27
Some people say that the Star Wars Prequels are a little racist. That is probably only because they watched them and aren't completely retarded. Yes, Jar Jar is a disgrace, but my personal pet peeve is the evil "Trade Federation." Weird, they talk like stereotypical Asians... and happen to be into sneak attacks and driven only by greed. Anyway, long story short, these Asians (wait... I mean "aliens") started something with the Republic and then ended up facing the full wrath of the Jedi and their clone army. In this game Harrison is Yoda and he and his clones dropped in on Vic's pathetic little Asian robot team. I always thought this scene would have been better if Yoda was playing "Ride of the Valkyries" from the little ships a la Apocalypse Now. Long story short: Vic lost. Bad.
Game/Episode 3 Revenge of the Sith
Nads of Steel 63 Crimson Pride 63 (but a smaller 63)
Like the movies, this was the last review I wrote. At the time, it was the only game in doubt and Jason Witten needed 4 points give his team a victory. Watching a Monday Night game needing production from a Tight End is torture.* Unlike a running back, a TE gets very few looks. Too bad we don't give points for blocking. Anyways, Eli Manning is clearly Anakin. He was supposed to be the chosen one (#1?), but due to some family issues he went off the rails, and demolished some defenseless kids (we'll call them "St. Louis Rams"). Also, he totally knocked up Natalie Portman.**
* 5 yards more and we'd have a miracle win for the Pride. Fantasy football is a game of inches. 180 inches.
**not actually true.
Game/Episode 4 A New Hope
Ballsacks 87 Dawn of a New Day 66
You might think Mark's team has a lot in common with this movie because both their names would be an appropriate motto for the Duke football team. Sadly for Duke and everyone who writes about Mark's team, the George Lucas intellectual property team is zealously protecting the shorter of the two. More sadly for Mark, the Sacks have Luke Skywalker at QB. Instead of a large concentration of midi-chlorians, Cutler has a diminished production of insulin. Last year we all witnessed the effects, including unexplained weight loss, lethargy, and (this one was pretty obvious) blurred vision. Now he sees clearly that Eddie Royal and Brandon Marshall are open, and he throws the ball to them. The only difference is that Jay Cutler's dad is a bigger weirdo than Luke's.
Game/Episode 5 The Empire Strikes Back
Breach Kid 80 Tackle Me Elmo 47
Like the plucky young rebels who bullseyed the womp rats in their T-16s back on Tatooine, Elmo has youngsters Calvin Johnson, Sidney Rice, Steve Slaten, Rashard Mendenhall, and Matt Ryan. These kids went into battle behind old jedi Obi-Wan Delhomme and the chosen one (#1?) LT. Sadly, the excitement of Sunday slowly gave way to the reality of Monday. Sure Elmo had the lead even without Andre Johnson (Iked), but their weird medal ceremony was rudely interrupted by a little thing we call Monday Night Football. Romo, Barber III, and Crayton landed on Hoth, crushed the pesky Elmos' snow speeders, cut off their hands, and ***spoiler alert*** tell them who is who's daddy.
Game/Episode 6 Return of the Jedi
Steel Curtain IX 90 Lights Out 65
Your quarterback and best wide receiver are injured, your season is over, and you are about to witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational Terrell Owens. But the feisty Steel Curtain "icks" isn't done yet. They've got some plucky Ewoks on a field in Denver and Ed Hochuli, the strongest Bothan Spy ever. With Ed's help the Denver wideouts Royal and Marshall get a bunch of points (deserved and undeserved) and it is Lights Out. Everyone celebrates and the Ewoks play the drums with the discarded helmets of the vanquished enemies. Normally that is 15 yards for excessive celebration, but... you know... Hochuli.
There it is, your week 2 in review, in case you have time for a way-too-long blog post but can't check out each score for yourself. After all, why process the information yourself when it can be done by a person who is, by definition, the most inept manager to win that week? Finally, this version of the Recaps would not be possible without the wisdom of nerds who sit in their parents' basement editing Wookiepedia.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Week 1 Wrap-Ups
In Game 3, it's Lights Out Against Save Me Purple Jebus - I first want to point out to Save Me's owner that Jesus is spelled wrong. I think it's spelled J-e-s-u-s, I should know, he told me that I oughtta be President. I'm actually kind of surprised at the result of this game - Lights Out won, even though Jesus is in their opponent's name, and, their best player is Frank Gore. Now, as far as I know, the Gores are a bunch of losers... every single one of them... never met one I liked, and certainly, never met a winner among them.
Monday, September 8, 2008
The curse strikes again...
http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news;_ylt=AiMpFStK1KzTNhp9PZDovONDubYF?slug=ap-seahawks-burleson&prov=ap&type=lgns
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Previews: Week 1
Crimson Pride vs. Dawn of a New Day
“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time.”
Nay. Change will come only when you leave a league behind and then abruptly return demanding a rescheduling of the originally planned draft date and a reworking of the draft format to suit your needs. One would think that after all the hullabaloo, the herald of this change would have drafted a fantasy football team similar to what you would imagine God’s to be. Instead, this harbinger of revolution was stuck with Adrian Peterson and “a compilation of average fantasy football players.” I suggest the autodraft list next year.
Yahoo Lines: Dawn of a New Day -1.88, O/U 138.26
Picks: DoaND, Over
Steel Curtain IX vs. Breach Kid
“It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get to where we are today, but we have just begun.”
For those of you non-Romans, that IX means 9—as in the 9th Steel Curtain team in existence. This actually made me sad and brought a tear to my eye because I realized that I’ve been playing fantasy football with you losers for 9 damn years. As far as the contest, all I have to say is Tom Brady vs. the Kansas City defense = Easy Money.
Yahoo Lines: Steel Curtain +4.89, O/U 135.01
Picks: Steel Curtain to win, Over
LightsOut vs. Save Me Purple Jebus
“Do we participate in a politics of cynicism or a politics of hope?”
Not to be too cynical, but Eduardo better do more than hope if he plans to keep this one close. Gore, Forte and White at RB is not the ideal starting trio for this league. Purple Jebus can take a vacation, George’s team won’t need a whole lot of saving this week.
Yahoo Lines: Save Me Purple Jebus -12.81, O/U 132.77
Picks: SMPJ win, LO cover, Under
Big Apples vs. Hoof Hearted
“If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress.”
As mentioned in the Draft Grades, if there’s one thing you can count on, it’s Chris drafting RB’s early and often. That hasn’t always worked out for Big Apples teams of the past, but as usual, you can’t look at this year’s team on paper and make a call one way or the other on whether it will be just good or great. Victor’s Hoof Hearted team, however, is a testament to why you should not draft players while taxing to the runway in Newark.
Yahoo Lines: Big Apples -4.34, O/U 138.84
Picks: BA, Under
happyvalleycoastals vs. Nads of Steel
“We need to internalize this idea of excellence. Not many folks spend a lot of time trying to be excellent.”
Some folks do, however, spend a lot of time saying how excellent they are. But, maybe, what Barack’s trying to say is that we should be excellent to one another. San Dimas High School football rules! New topic: 3 years ago, while a hurricane bore down on the city of New Orleans during the one and only live draft in the history of this league, one Nads of Steel owner sat and prayed—to the porcelain god. He prayed for the pain to leave his body and to return to successes of 2002 and 2003 where he won the whole shabangabang. No luck that year, but seeing as there was another hurricane headed towards the Big Easy, I thought it was be a good time to recall the Nad’s 4th round pick in New Orleans made from the hotel room toilet: “Oh gawd..
Yahoo Lines: happyvalleycoastals -3.33, O/U 147.95
Picks: NoS (Upset Special), Under
Tackle Me Elmo vs. ballsacks
“The fact that my 15 minutes of fame has extended a little longer than 15 minutes is somewhat surprising to me and completely baffling to my wife.”
Thank you! Thank you! I’ll be here all season. And seeing as the ballsacks roster is empty, it makes this call easy. Well, wait, I looked at his roster. Still easy.
Yahoo Lines: Tackle Me Elmo -74.89, O/U 74.89
Picks: TME wins, ballsacks covers, Over
Draft Analysis: Team Grades
2008 Draft Analysis
Round 1
Steal: Clinton Portis (DawnofaNewDay) - its hard to get much of a steal or reach in the first round but as of late August I believe Clinton Portis went 3-5 picks later than he should have.
Reach: Jamal Lewis (ballsacks) - Scratch that last statement- the ballsacks should be grateful that there was no round zero saving him from taking this guy any earlier than he actually did.
Round 2
Steal: Drew Brees (happyvalleycoastals) - a lock for 35+ tds and 4000 yards. Look for Brees to surpass manning and Romo and become the number 2 fantasy QB by year end
Reach: Drew Brees (happyvalleycoastals) - probably could have taken this guy a round and half later than he did.
Round 3
Steal: Andre Johnson (TacklemeElmo) - not really a steal as you couldn’t have taken this guy any earlier than 3.01 but a good pick none the less
Reach: Willie Parker (nads of steel) - this aint your parents steelers.
Round 4
Steal: Brandon Marshall (Steel Curtain) - I'd me more worried about a NFL player without an arrest record- whats a guy like that up to?
Reach: Ricky Williams (Breach Kid) - you’ve smoked yourself retarded if your picking up ricky Williams in the forth
Mid Rounds (5-9)
Steal: Marvin Harrison (HoofHearted)
Reach: Rudi Johnson (lights out) best case scenario this guy becomes the back up Detroit running back.
Late Rounds (10-14)
Steal: Morris Morris (Bigapples) - the intangibles this guy brings to any fantasy team is worth a roster slot at any point in the draft
Reach: Limas Sweed (Crimson Pride) - the fact this guy stayed on the Prides roster as long as he did was the biggest surprise.
Monday, August 25, 2008
2008 Duke Blackwell Draft
Round 1
1. Tackle Me Elmo - Ladanian Tomlinson, RB, San Diego Chargers
2. Crimson Pride - Adrian Peterson, RB, Minnesota Vikings
3. happyvalleycoastals - Brian Westbrook, RB, Philadelphia Eagles
4. Steel Curtain IX - Tom Brady, QB, New England Patriots
5. Big Apples - Joseph Addai, RB, Indianapolis Colts
6. Save Me Purple Jebus - Steven Jackson, RB, St. Louis Rams
7. Breach Kid - Marion Barber, RB, Dallas Cowboys
8. Nads of Steel - Marshawn Lynch, RB, Buffalo Bills
9. LightsOut - Frank Gore, RB, San Francisco 49ers
10. ballsacks - Jamal Lewis, RB, Cleveland Browns
11. Dawn of a New Day - Clinton Portis, RB, Washington Redskins
12. Hoof Hearted - Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis Colts
Round 2
13. Hoof Hearted - Larry Johnson, RB, Kansas City Chiefs
14. Dawn of a New Day - Randy Moss, WR, New England Patriots
15. ballsacks - Reggie Wayne, WR, Indianapolis Colts
16. LightsOut - Terrell Owens, WR, Dallas Cowboys
17. Nads of Steel - Braylon Edwards, WR, Cleveland Browns
18. Breach Kid - Tony Romo, QB, Dallas Cowboys
19. Save Me Purple Jebus - Ryan Grant, RB, Green Bay Packers
20. Big Apples - Maurice Jones-Drew, RB, Jacksonville Jaguars
21. Steel Curtain IX - Earnest Graham, RB, Tampa Bay Buccaneers
22. happyvalleycoastals - Drew Brees, QB, New Orleans Saints
23. Crimson Pride - Micheal Turner, RB, Atlanta Falcons
24. Tackle Me Elmo - Brandon Jacobs, RB, New York Giants
Round 3
25. Tackle Me Elmo - Andre Johnson, WR, Houston Texans
26. Crimson Pride - Reggie Bush, RB, New Orleans Saints
27. happyvalleycoastals - Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Arizona Cardinals
28. Steel Curtain IX - Marques Colston, WR, New Orleans Saints
29. Big Apples - Willis McGahee, RB, Baltimore Ravens
30. Save Me Purple Jebus - Laurence Maroney, RB, New England Patriots
31. Breach Kid - Plaxico Burress, WR, New York Giants
32. Nads of Steel - Willie Parker, RB, Pittsburgh Steelers
33. LightsOut - Torry Holt, WR, St. Louis Rams
34. ballsacks - Thomas Jones, RB, New York Jets
35. Dawn of a New Day - Darren McFadden, RB, Oakland Raiders
36. Hoof Hearted - T.J. Houshmandzadeh, WR, Cincinnati Bengals
Round 4
37. Hoof Hearted - Antonio Gates, TE, San Diego Chargers
38. Dawn of a New Day - Santonio Holmes, WR, Pittsburgh Steelers
39. ballsacks - Wes Welker, WR, New England Patriots
40. LightsOut - Matt Forte, RB, Chicago Bears
41. Nads of Steel - Edgerrin James, RB, Arizona Cardinals
42. Breach Kid - Ricky Williams, RB, Miami Dolphins
43. Save Me Purple Jebus - Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Pittsburgh Steelers
44. Big Apples - Carson Palmer, QB, Cincinnati Bengals
45. Steel Curtain IX - Brandon Marshall, WR, Denver Broncos
46. happyvalleycoastals - Steve Smith, WR, Carolina Panthers
47. Crimson Pride - Jason Witten, TE, Dallas Cowboys
48. Tackle Me Elmo - Kellen Winslow, TE, Cleveland Browns
Round 5
49. Tackle Me Elmo - Calvin Johnson, WR, Detroit Lions
50. Crimson Pride - Chad Johnson, WR, Cincinnati Bengals
51. happyvalleycoastals - Anquan Boldin, WR, Arizona Cardinals
52. Steel Curtain IX - Ronnie Brown, RB, Miami Dolphins
53. Big Apples - Kevin Smith, RB, Detroit Lions
54. Save Me Purple Jebus - Roddy White, WR, Atlanta Falcons
55. Breach Kid - Dallas Clark, TE, Indianapolis Colts
56. Nads of Steel - Derek Anderson, QB, Cleveland Browns
57. LightsOut - Matt Hasselbeck, QB, Seattle Seahawks
58. ballsacks - Jay Cutler, QB, Denver Broncos
59. Dawn of a New Day - Roy Williams, WR, Detroit Lions
60. Hoof Hearted - Selvin Young, RB, Denver Broncos
Round 6
61. Hoof Hearted - Marvin Harrison, WR, Indianapolis Colts
62. Dawn of a New Day - Jonathan Stewart, RB, Carolina Panthers
63. ballsacks - Chris Johnson, RB, Tennessee
64. LightsOut - Lendale White, RB, Tennessee
65. Nads of Steel - Greg Jennings, WR, Green Bay
66. Breach Kid - Hines Ward, WR, Steelers
67. Save Me Purple Jebus - Jerricho Cotchery, WR, New York Jets
68. Big Apples - Laverneus Coles, WR, New York Jets
69. Steel Curtain IX - Tony Gonzalez, TE, Kansas City Chiefs
70. happyvalleycoastals - Chris Perry, RB, Cincinnati Bengals
71. Crimson Tide - Brett Favre, QB, New York Jets
72. Tackle Me Elmo - Lee Evans, WR, Buffalo Bills
Round 7
73. Tackle Me Elmo - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Pittsburgh Steelers
74. Crimson Tide - Dwayne Bowe, WR, Kansas City Chiefs
75. happyvalleycoastals - Jeremy Shockey, TE, New Orleans Saints
76. Steel Curtain IX - Julius Jones, RB, Seattle Seahawks
77. Big Apples - Nate Burleson, WR, Seattle Seahawks
78. Save Me Purple Jebus - Chris Cooley, TE, Washington Redskins
79. Breach Kid - Andre Hall, RB, Broncos
80. Nads of Steel - Fred Taylor, RB, Jacksonville Jaguars
81. LightsOut - Rudi Johnson, RB, Cincinnati Bengals
82. ballsacks - Chris Chambers, WR, San Diego Chargers
83. Dawn of a New Day - Donovan McNabb, QB, Philadelphia Eagles
84. Hoof Hearted - Justin Fargas, RB, Oakland Raiders
Round 8
85. Hoof Hearted - Santana Moss, WR, Washington Redskins
86. Dawn of a New Day - Heath Miller, TE, Pittsburgh Steelers
87. ballsacks - David Garrard, QB, Jacksonville Jaguars
88. LightsOut - Alge Crumpler, TE, Tennessee Titans
89. Nads of Steel - Todd Heap, TE, Baltimore Ravens
90. Breach Kid - Patrick Crayton, WR, Dallas Cowboys
91. Save Me Purple Jebus - Donald Driver, WR, Green Bay Packers
92. Big Apples - Joey Galloway, WR, Tampa Bay Buccaneers
93. Steel Curtain IX - Ted Ginn, WR, Miami Dolphins
94. happyvalleycoastals - DeAngelo Williams, RB, Carolina Panthers
95. Crimson Pride - Javon Walker, WR, Oakland Raiders
96. Tackle Me Elmo - Jake Delhomme, QB, Carolina Panthers
Round 9
97. Tackle Me Elmo - Steve Slaton, RB, Houston Texans
98. Crimson Tide - Chester Taylor, RB, Minnesota Vikings
99. happyvalleycoastals - Felix Jones, RB, Dallas Cowboys
100. Steel Curtain IX - James Hardy, WR, Buffalo Bills
101. Big Apples - Vernon Davis, TE, San Francisco 49ers
102. Save Me Purple Jebus - Matt Shaub, QB, Houston Texans
103. Breach Kid - Isaac Bruce, WR, San Francisco 49ers
104. Nads of Steel - Reggie Brown, WR, Philadelphia Eagles
105. LightsOut - Vincent Jackson, WR, San Diego Chargers
106. ballsacks - Leon Washington, RB, New York Jets
107. Dawn of a New Day - Anthony Gonzalez, WR, Indianapolis Colts
108. Hoof Hearted - Kenny Watson, RB, Cincinnati Bengals
Round 10
109. Hoof Hearted -Aaron Rodgers, QB, Green Bay Packers
110. Dawn of a New Day - Devin Hester, WR, Chicago Bears
111. ballsacks - Robert Meachem, WR, New Orleans Saints
112. LightsOut - Ray Rice, RB, Baltimore Ravens
113. Nads of Steel - Eli Manning, QB, New York Giants
114. Breach Kid - Phillip Rivers, QB, San Diego Chargers
115. Save Me Purple Jebus - Bernard Berrian, WR, Minnesota Vikings
116. Big Apples - Jerious Norwood, RB, Atlanta Falcons
117. Steel Curtain IX - Marc Bulger, QB, St. Louis Rams
118. happyvalleycoastals - Kurt Warner, QB, Arizona Cardinals
119. Crimson Pride - Owen Daniels, TE, Houston Texans
120. Tackle Me Elmo - Sydney Rice, WR, Minnesota Vikings
Round 11
121. Tackle Me Elmo - Donte Stallworth, WR, Cleveland Browns
122. Crimson Pride - Jason Campbell, QB, Washington Redskins
123. happyvalleycoastals - Tim Hightower, RB, Arizona Cardinals
124. Steel Curtain IX - Vince Young, QB, Tennessee Titans
125. Big Apples - Maurice Morris, RB, Seattle Seahawks
126. Save Me Purple Jebus - Justin Gage, WR, Tennessee Titans
127. Breach Kid - Desean Jackson, WR, Philadelphia Eagles
128. Nads of Steel - Reggie Williams, WR, Jacksonville Jaguars
129. LightsOut - Jon Kitna, QB, Detroit Lions
130. ballsacks - Jason Wright, RB, Cleveland Browns
131. Dawn of a New Day -J.T. O'Sullivan, QB, San Francisco 49ers
132. Hoof Hearted -D.J. Hackett, WR, Carolina Panthers
Round 12
133. Hoof Hearted - Antwan Randle El, WR, Washington Redskins
134. Dawn of a New Day -Ahmad Bradshaw, RB, New York Giants
135. ballsacks -Tony Scheffler, TE, Denver Broncos
136. LightsOut - Ahman Green, RB, Houston Texans
137. Nads of Steel - Fred Jackson, RB, Buffalo Bills
138. Breach Kid -Jerry Porter, WR, Jacksonville Jaguars
139. Save Me Purple Jebus -Brandon Jackson, RB, Green Bay Packers
140. Big Apples -Jamarcus Russell, QB, Oakland Raiders
141. Steel Curtain IX -Kevin Walter, WR, Houston Texans
142. happyvalleycoastals -Derrick Mason, WR, Baltimore Ravens
143. Crimson Pride -Tatum Bell, RB, Detroit Lions
144. Tackle Me Elmo -Ladell Betts, RB, Washington Redskins
Round 13
145. Tackle Me Elmo -Jeff Garcia, QB, Tampa Bay Buccanneers
146. Crimson Pride -Limas Sweed, WR, Pittsburgh Steelers
147. happyvalleycoastals -Nick Folk, K, Dallas Cowboys
148. Steel Curtain IX -Nate Kaeding, K, San Diego Chargers
149. Big Apples -Trent Edwards, QB, Buffalo Bills
150. Save Me Purple Jebus -Antonio Pittman, RB, St. Louis Rams
151. Breach Kid -Stephen Gostkowski, K, New England Patriots
152. Nads of Steel -Adam Vinatieri, K, Indianapolis Colts
153. LightsOut -Mason Crosby, K, Green Bay Packers
154. ballsacks -Bryant Johnson, WR, San Franciso 49ers
155. Dawn of a New Day -Ronald Curry, WR, Oakland Raiders
156. Hoof Hearted - Kolby Smith, RB, Kansas City Chiefs
Round 14
157. Hoof Hearted -Shayne Graham, K, Cincinnati Bengals
158. Dawn of a New Day -Phil Dawson, K, Cleveland Browns
159. ballsacks -Rob Bironas, K, Tennessee Titans
160. LightsOut -Devard Darling, WR, Kansas City Chiefs
161. Nads of Steel -Drew Bennett, WR, St. Louis Rams
162. Breach Kid -Kevin Boss, TE, New York Giants
163. Save Me Purple Jebus -Robbie Gould, K, Chicago Bears
164. Big Apples -Jeff Reed, K, Pittsburgh Steelers
165. Steel Curtain IX -Shaun McDonald, WR, Detroit Lions
166. happyvalleycoastals -Deuce McCallister, RB, New Orleans Saints
167. Crimson Pride -Josh Brown, K, Seattle Seahawks
168. Tackle Me Elmo -Kris Brown, K, Houston Texans