Week 1 Recaps

By: Jonathan

Well I finally did something right in this league and thus, my inaugural post. I have nothing clever or witty to say at this juncture (plus I don’t know how to imbed the wonderful pictures or videos that the rest of y’all do), but I plan to have many more opportunities over the course of the season. On to the recaps:

Steel Curtain XI (89.52) over Grantville Bandits (75.48)
The 11th incarnation of the Steel Curtain roared out to a victory in Week 1 behind #1 overall pick CJ and the well-coifed Mr. Gisele Bundchen. Unfortunately for the Bandits, the search for a RB needs to begin with the loss of Ryan Grant.

The Horn Supremacy (95.58) over Duke Plays Football? (69.48)
When will people learn that even using the name Duke in your team name is recipe for disaster even if it is slighting them? Just as on Saturdays, Duke never put up a fight on the gridiron and the newly-married Horn used a steady dose of Hakeem Nicks to bury Duke.

Crimson Pride (71.92) over Oedipus Rex Ryan (57.26)
This matchup was over the minute Crimson said “I’ll take Kevin Kolb” in the 5th round. I love having a fellow Coog in the League, but even I wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole. [Weeps about Donnie Avery’s injury]

Hoof Hearted (86.48) over ballsacks (59.02)
And the only team without a capital letter in their name comes up lame in their first action of the season falling to a team who’s QB completed only three passes in the second half and 107 yards total for the game.

Bama Runts (82.70) over The Virginia Apples (75.64)
A battle of teams with guys named Carson, Greg, Austin, Randy and Zach, which sounds more like a lacrosse match than a football game lead us to the closest battle of the week, the Runts outlasted the Apples despite Yahoo predicting their defeat. I really don’t have anything else to say about this matchup.

Korn on the Kolb (104.82) over Nads of Steel XII (65.12)
And from the closest matchup to the most lopsided, this Jew went into battle with an Arian and came out victorious.

Week 1 Previews: Part 3

Korn on the Kolb v. Nads of Steel

While Jason has been busy trying to everyone and anyone to join something called "Gridiron Challenge" that I'm not even sure what it is, Jonathan has been quietly compiling one of the better teams in the preseason. With late-season pick-up turned super-keeper Arian Foster leading the way, Kolb, without Kolb, should be a stout contender all season long - Jason, meanwhile, will likely be relegated to attempting to demolish his competition in "Gridiron Challenge."

Yahoo! line: Korn by 12.5
Prediction: Korn by 3

Hoof Hearted v. Ballsacks

With more than half his lineup consisting of keepers (because, frankly, kickers don't count), Hoof comes into the season with as much hope as any team. Given his supporting cast, Aaron Rodgers will have to carry much of the load (in addition to the ghosts of Brett Favre) for the Ballsacks. Unless Jahvid Best breaks out in his NFL debut, the Ballsacks will be watching in agony from the public library.

Yahoo! line: Hoof by 10
Prediction: Hoof by 3

Week 1 Previews: Part 2

Duke Plays Football? v. Horn Supremacy

The defending league runner-up (Horns) hopes to repeat his success from last season against one of the worst teams in the league (Duke) last season. Nevertheless, this matchup will not be easy. With Michael Bush sidelined, the Horns open up with 2 platoon RBs in its starting lineup, against a Duke team stacked with talent and headed by the incomparable Adrian Peterson. After some perennial crappiness, it may be about time for Duke to actually shine, and that starts in week 1.

Yahoo! line: Duke by 1

Prediction: Duke by 5

Grantsville Bandits v. Steel Curtain

In a battle of former Chronicle sportswriters, league mainstay Brian Kane faces a stiff test in his week 1 opponent - Nick Tylwalk. With the availability of Beanie Wells still up in the air, Brian's typical brashness may get a comeuppance at the hands of Tylwalk: a true veteran of fantasy football. With a stout running backs corp headlined by keepers Mendenhall and Greene, Tylwalk should start Coastals' post-Harrison era in style.

Yahoo! line: Curtain by 5.5
Prediction: Bandits by 3

Week 1 Previews: Part 1

Virginia Apples v. Bama Runts

League newcomer Ronnie Dukes created quite a splash with his homage to the Minnesota Vikings draft room on draft day. After much consternation, Dukes drafted Montario Hardesty, who promptly blew out his knee a week later - a rude welcome indeed. After some roster twiddling, Dukes heads into week 1 with a fat question mark at running back (Jacobs) and someone named "Austin Collie" in his flex position. More unfortunately, he plays the defending champions; more unfortunately for Ronnie, the injury bug has not yet bitten the relocated Apples. But once Jamaal Charles limps off the field on Monday night, Ronnie will likely appreciate what all of us know already: the Apples are the Anna Kournikova of this league - looks good, but never wins - oh wait, that joke doesn't work any more.

Yahoo! line: Apples by 7
Prediction: Apples by 10

Oedipus Rex Ryan v. Crimson Pride

Patric should take a look around for Chris Hansen of To Catch a Predator fame. While most teams choose experienced running backs to stock the most important position on the field, Patric went with 2 rookies (Spiller, Matthews) and a second year player (Jones). Add Percy Harvin to the mix, and a heart to heart interview with Hansen is probably just around the corner. Peyton Manning is not only the team leader here, he's also the team dad. And he will need to take the kids to McDonalds to bury their sorrow after taking a look on the chin in week one to an Oedipus team led by an emerging Kevin Kolb

Yahoo! line: Crimson by 3

Prediction: Oedipus by 6

2010 Draft Reviews (#10 - 12)

And finally done. This took way longer than it should have. Now crappy reviews for crappy teams.

2010 Draft Review #10: The Horn Supremacy

Andre Johnson's a solid pick. The three keepers all have their flaws, but you play the hand you're dealt. Pierre Thomas and Michael Bush have yet to show they can carry a full workload for a season. Cutler throws way too many picks and doesn't have the receivers to really be worth it as a fourth rounder. As for the rest of the picks, I don't see much upside.

Best Pick: AJ (1). The best WR in the game today.

Biggest Reach: Cutler (4). Even if he does reach his potential, I'm guessing he probably would have been available in later rounds.

Potential Sleeper: Alex Smith (13). He's got good young skill position players around him and he played fairly well in limited time last year.

Predicted Record: 4-6 wins

2010 Draft Review #11: ballsacks

Eric did a good job with his picks in the later rounds. It's the first 9 rounds or so that are problematic. Right now - there are only 3 players on this team projecting to be valuable fantasy players - Rodgers, Best, and Jackson. Best is a Lion - 'nuff said. As for Rodgers he's taken a lot of hits the past couple years and I'd be concerned about his health this year.

Best Pick: Willis McGahee (10). It's amazing how disposable RBs are these days. Thomas Jones, LT, and McGahee all scored 12 or more TDs last season and are being thrown away like used condoms. He did average 5 yards a carry last year and is still relatively young. He may surprise.

Biggest Reach: Jahvid Best (2). He plays for the Lions and he's a smallish RB. I'd rather have a have half a dozen other guys selected after him.

Potential Sleeper: Kyle Orton (11). He's relatively young and has gotten better every year.

Predicted Record: 3-5 wins

2010 Draft Review #12: The Virginia Apples

Ugh. Talk about buyer's remorse. I like my WRs. All my RBs come with major question marks. My TEs would be good if 2-for-1 deals for points worked but not in this world. The QBs were picked way too high in a panic move. Neither Stafford nor McNabb are any better than Kyle Orton or Alex Smith - but of whom were available much later. Sigh - this is going to be a long year.

Best Pick: None.

Biggest Reach: Mathew Stafford (7). Betting on the Lions offense never works.

Potential Sleeper: Jamal Charles (9). I'm hoping he stays healthy as I'll be SOL otherwise.

Predicted Record: 3-5 wins

Draft Reviews (#7-9)

2010 Draft Review #7: Crimson Pride

Good QB, TE, and decent WRs. A lot of potential and a lot of question marks with his RBs. Two rookies, a backup, and two guys who haven't shown they can carry a full workload over a season. I wouldn't be suprised seeing the Pride finishing at the top or the bottom of the league.

Best Pick: Felix Jones (5). He gets hurt a lot, but he's easily a Top-5 RB when healthy. A good value in the 5th round.

Biggest Reach: Ryan Mathews (1). Way too high for such an unknown quantity. His upside is equal to the normal performance of a lot of guys picked after him.

Potential Keeper: Justin Forsett (13). He's shown some skills last year. Now (like a lot of guys here) all he needs to do is show durability.

Projected Record: 6 - 8 wins

2010 Draft Review #8: Nads of Steel

A pretty good team other than the dreck at the WR spots. It's hard to see any of them putting big numbers as they're either too old (Driver), too young (Bryant), are in a bad situation (Wallace), or is a headcase (Crabtree). There probably isn't enough depth here either to trade for a WR.

Best Pick: Tim Tebow (11). His "heart", "will-to-win", and "intangibles" makes him a steal in any round.

Biggest Reach: Donald Driver (5). As usual, Jason likes his meat well-aged. I'm not too enthusiastic over a 35-yo WR who's 1.) the 2nd opton and 2.) playing with a QB who gets banged up a lot.

Potential Keeper: Mike Wallace (13). Probably won't put up big numbers this year due to Pittsburgh's QB situation. But he's young, playing opposite an old WR (Ward), and he should hopefully be playing with Big Ben for a full season next year.

Projected Record: 5-7 wins

2010 Draft Review #9: Bama Runts

Larry Johnson? Carson Palmer? Lee Evans? Someone tell the new guy it's 2010 and not 2006. I'm not too jazzed about either DeAngelo Williams or Brandon Jacobs either. Williams, despite his status as the lead RB, has gotten less carries and less TDs than J. Stewart did last year. Jacobs can't stay healthy and he's only had one season as a top RB.

Best Pick: Austin Collie (12). He got the second most receptions and TDs among Indy WRs last year. A worthwhile gamble for a 12th round pick.

Biggest Reach: Carson Palmer (4). A 4th round pick for a guy who barely reached 3,000 pass yards last year?

Potential Keeper: Darrius Heyward-Bey(13). Talented, young, and no longer playing with JaMarcus ("Shitty Player") Russell. Besides, Al Davis can't live forever, right?

Projected Record: 4-6 wins

Draft Reviews (Teams #4-6)

All of you realize you're being ranked according to your worth as human beings, right?

2010 Draft Review #4: Grantville Bandits

The new guy’s ranked here because of 1.) fresh memories of Drew Brees tearing up the league last year and 2.) the tremendous run-blocking of the New York Jets. Bet on either 5 years ago and you’d be a rich man. While we don’t give medals, 4th place’ll get you the last spot in the playoffs.

Best Pick: LT (9). He’s fallen so far from his outrageously high peak in 2006 we all forget he still scored 12 TDs each of his last two seasons. He’s in a great situation: great run blocking, a shaky passing team, the #1 defense last year, and playing alongside an unproven RB. Don’t be surprised if he scores a dozen TDs yet again.

Biggest Reach: TJ (5). He’s old, showed a sharp decline the past two seasons, playing with an over-the-hill QB, and was never all that great to begin with.

Potential Keeper: Shonn Greene (8). See all the reasons above for LT.

Projected Record: 7 – 9 wins

2010 Draft Review #5: Korn on the Kolb

Kolb would be ranked higher if he didn’t let his dog make his picks in the middle of the draft. Aromashodu, Edelman, Cotchery, and Bradford are the type of players who keep you in the consolation bracket.

Best Pick: Clinton Portis (5), Westbrook (14). Both very productive RBs who suffered serious injuries last year. You wouldn’t want to bank on either of them, but you’re getting good odds at their draft positions.

Biggest Reach: Devin Aromashodu (6). Uhhh…ok.

Potential Keeper: Arian Foster (12). In a great offense, young, and did well in limited action last year. He has the chance to be the best RB ever in the history of Houston Texans RBs.

Projected Record: 7 – 9 wins

2010 Draft Review #6: Oedipus Rex Ryan

Kolb in the 5th? Ryan in the 6th? Too bad – a pretty good draft other than the QBs. If one of the two makes the leap (I’m betting on Ryan), this could be a playoff team.

Best Pick: Fitzgerald (2). Yes he has a new (probably crappy) QB and a hurt knee. He’s still a steal with the 17th pick, especially in a keeper league.

Biggest Reach: Kevin Kolb (5). Did he really need to be picked this high? I’m guessing he’d still be available in the much later rounds.

Potential Keeper: LeSean McCoy (7). Would be a steal with a 5th round pick next year if he stays healthy this year.

Projected Record: 6 – 8 wins

Draft Reviews (Teams #1-3)

As one of the few folks here without a job it looks like I’ve gotten hooked into writing draft recaps. As displeasing our mighty commish ranks higher than passing law school in my priorities, here comes to recaps. I apologize for the crappiness and briefness of the recaps. I’m on a public computer in the library and it’s awkward as everyone else is working on “cases” and I’m going through web pages of large sweaty men in tight pants grabbing and tackling each other.

Oh, and due to my location there will be no pictures of hot girls making out this week.

2010 Draft Review #1: Hoof Hearted

The #1 team as we start the season. Already armed with 4 great keeper picks, Vic did an excellent job drafting in every round. The Hoof fields Pro Bowl level players for nearly every starting spot as well as great depth. The backup QB spot is weak but even if Schaub goes down, there are plenty of players here available for a QB trade. The concern here is that while all the players are solid there’s no one here that can dominate like a Chris Johnson or Drew Brees. The Hoof (like the rest of us) is still vulnerable when running up against a team with a dominant player having a good week.

Best Pick: Not counting keepers, I’ll go with Darren McFadden. A 7th round pick for guy who’s 1.) a likely starting RB, 2.) has ridiculous talent and 3.) is now unshackled from JaMarcus (“Shitty Player”) Russell.

Biggest Reach: None. All the picks are solid.

Potential Keeper: Miles Austin. Next year he’ll be a 10th round pick as a keeper. Even if he only plays at 80% of last year’s level, that’s still a steal of a pick.

Projected Record: 10-12 wins.

2010 Draft Review #2: Steel Curtain XI

While I’m not a fan of the picks from round #2 onwards, I still got the Curtain as my #2 team. Having the best player in the league can make up for many mistakes. The Curtain should be particularly dangerous if it makes the playoffs as Chris Johnson plays a home game against a team tied for 8th most rushing TDs allowed last year in Week 15 and plays one of the weakest run defenses in the league in Week 16.

Best Pick: Johnson.

Biggest Reach: Brady. I’m not dissing Brady the QB, but I am questioning Brady the fantasy points producer. Mr. Bunchen’s only had one year as a fantasy stud in his career and in his other seasons has been a very good but nonetheless second-tier fantasy quarterback. Given our new point system – a second round pick’s too much for him.

Potential Keeper: Beanie Wells, I guess? Slim pickings here.

Projected Record: 9 – 11 wins.

2010 Draft Review #3: Duke Plays Football?

Why yes, we do. And our 5-7 record was still better than your 5-9 record last year. AP’s drop in his yards-per-carry the past couple years is troubling, but he’s still the clear #2 player in the league for now and the other starting players (White, Romo, et al) are good enough to make the playoffs. The backups are sorta crappy but that goes with most of the teams here.

Best Pick: Robert Meachem. Plays with the best QB in the league, talented, and is entering his 3rd year. He’s got a good chance of putting up a Pro Bowl year.

Biggest Reach: Romo. See comment on Brady above. Romo’s also gotten sacked more than twice as much as Brady.

Potential Sleeper: Laurence Maroney. Will the Patriots ever move to a feature back system?

Projected Record: 8 - 10 wins.