As some of you may know, I left for a 2 week vacation in China and Japan. When I got back in the States, pretty much the first thing I did was fire up my TiVo and watch the two episodes of Jersey Shore that I had missed during my vacation? Why? Well, if you need me to explain why Jersey Shore is awesome, you are probably not an American.
Horn Supremacy 90, Bama Runts 62
This battle of sub-.500 teams was like the Season 2 story line of when Angelina was going to leave the house. I kind of cared about it because, let's be honest, I fall hook, line and sinker for every JS story line, but after her season 1 flameout, Angelina was the least interesting character on this show - and this game was the least interesting matchup in week 7. Aside from the ridiculous Hakeem Nicks, there is not one single player in this matchup worth paying attention to, and not even a starting WR (Mike Thomas) racking up negative points could make this one interesting.
Crimson Pride 78, Grantsville Bandits 56
Heading into MNF, Crimson Pride needed about 4 points from the combination of Steve Smith and Felix Jones to secure a sloppy win in what had been a highly anticipated game between two 4-2 squads. The odds of that happening are about as good as the odds of the Situation finding a trashy girl at Tantra to take home within the first hour at the club. When Steve Smith hauled in the first non-Nicks TD from Manning, this contest, like the girl's dignity, was over and done.
Duke Plays Football 91, Oedipus Rex Ryan 81
The thought of having to write these wrap-ups to earn $10 was apparently so unappetizing to Duke Plays Football that Mark decided to pull Tony Romo with the win secure. I guess Romo's potential season-ending injury was the fantasy football deity's way of punishing Mark for shirking his duties. If Mark watched JS (highly doubtful), he would have known not to do this. The deities punished Pauly D for his lady-chasing ways by getting him that huge clinger at the end of season 1; and just like Pauly D got stuck with some "I love Jewish girls" shirts that he didn't want, Mark now has to deal with a lame QB.
Nads of Steel 91, Virginia Apples 74
Once upon a time, Eli Manning was known solely as Peyton's crappier little brother. Just like Vinny was once known as that other male character in the cast with the outlandish Situation, the hilarious Pauly D, and the unintentional physical comedy of Ronnie. But a ridiculous Super Bowl and some sustained success later, Eli is a fantasy stud in his own right. As for Vinny, porking Snooki and Angelina within a span of two days elevated him from the dorky sidekick to a compelling character in his own right. On MNF, Jason needed a few points from Eli to prevail. In prior years, that may have been worrisome - but not this season. On Monday night, Eli smushed Angelina.
Korn on the Kolb 90, Ballsacks 63
If you look at the two line-ups, this isn't even a fair contest. Ballsacks actually trotted out a WR lineup of Brandon Tate, Devin Hester, and Nate Washington. You might as well trot out Sammi's insecurity against Ron-Ron's manipulativeness. No contest; no excitement.
Hoof Hearted 106, Steel Curtain 85
At the end of season two, both Pauly D and Vinny started to get into serious relationships with girls they met in Miami. As I'm watching it, I'm literally rubbing my eyes and thinking, "is this actually happening?" Oh yes, it is definitely happening. Watching Darren McFadden run this season? Well - it's sort of the same thing. Maybe it's the porous Denver Broncos defense, maybe it's the new commitment to Darren Mac as the feature back - whatever it is, Darren is running around and through people, as Vinny closes out season 2 with a romantic date with someone on about date no. 5.
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