Ballsacks 94
Prediction: Right!
What more is there to say? Before the Monday Night game the Vicodins had 50 points and were looking at an insurmountable deficit. There was an exact tie for the high score, an unprecedented occurrence that would undoubtedly have torn the league apart. Thanks to Drew Fucking Brees the league was saved and the Vicodins get a miracle win and their first ever weekly scoring title. For those keeping track, Brees more than doubled the point output of the entire Vicodins squad on the Saints' bye week. Thank goodness for the allure of the perfect season and the Vikings' keeping the pressure on for homefield advantage. Because the minute the Breesus sits the Vicodins become a doormat.
Hoof Hearted 98
Crimson Pride 80
Prediction: Wrong
This was the matchup of the week, but Vic's high-powered roster of keepers was too strong for the newly name-changed Pride. Between Schaub, Rice, Austin, Celek/Daniels, and even maybe Josh Freeman, the Hoof Hearted future looks bright. The Pride may get some use out of keepers Moreno and Harvin, and depending upon what happens in Seattle, Justin Forsett as well. Had those players gotten into the game this week things may have gone differently. As it stands, Hoof Hearted has the inside track on the last playoff spot. This could be a bad omen for the Alabama-Florida game as Vic is basically the Tim Tebow of fantasy football commissionering (and litigation).
NB Apples 71
Steel Curtain 57
Prediction: Right!
The Apples relied on a solid defensive effort to get the win with the week's 8th highest score. Big games from Philip Rivers and Jamaal Charles were enough to overcome the rare 1-2 punch of TE and Kicker that were the Curtain's top two scorers. The biggest disappointment for the Apples was that the Aggies failed to knock off a reeling Elmos squad. By not delivering the knockout punch to the Elmos, the Aggies left the Apples in the precarious position of needing to win out to secure the regular season title. Fortunately for the Apples they have a tilt with the also-overachieving Korn on the Kolb before a Week 14 bye against the owner-less/player-less Franchise-Formerly-Known-As-The-Coastals.
NoS 66
KotK 59
Prediction: Right!
For reasons no one can explain to me Nnamdi Asomugha (hardest name to spell in the NFL) was covering Roy Williams during the Oakland-Dallas game. Williams, you may recall, is the only WR in the league who is his own shutdown corner. That freed up Miles Austin and Tony Romo to enjoy a bit of a resurgence. Why would Tom Cable do that? Who knows... why would Cable punch his assistant coach or beat his wife? All I know is that it probably cost Korn on the Kolb a win here, and maybe cost them a playoff birth. Korn will need to beat two playoff teams (luckily, the two worst) and hope that Vic's squad falters. A long shot for the scrappy new guy, but not impossible. Meanwhile, the Nads kept hope alive but will need two wins (one against the Elmo Juggernaut) and a lot of help.
Breach 98
CCC 43
Prediction: Woefully Wrong
This game was over before it started. At very least, it was over once Chris Johnson ripped off his 300th 80+yard td run of the season. Chris Johnson is your fantasy MVP this year unless he pulls a triple Westbrook and kneels on the 1 the rest of the season. He may even get some buzz for NFL MVP, though it should be noted that he played in six straight losses for the Titans. He surely is their best player, but he doesn't carry the team to victories, he just carries the ball 90 yards in 7 seconds. At will. He will get some attention when he pretends to want to race Rajon Rondo in the hopes that both guys can become mainstream famous if their manufactured cross-sport competition catches on with the general public. It won't, but I wouldn't count out Rondo if the contest happens. It reminds me of the episode of And1 Mixtape where the ESPN intern who ran track at UNC got schooled in a sprint by the Helicopter or Go Get It or whoever. Vic, our resident And1 historian, will undoubtedly correct me on this. Johnson is fast. 4.24 in the 40 fast. But Rondo is clearly operating with a hyper-evolved human physiology. He is how our future selves will be genetically designed to be. And we will all be really good point guards who may or may not be able to beat Chris Johnson in a foot race.
Elmo 81
Aggies 78
Prediction: Unclear, as the predicted winner was not involved in this game
The Aggies had some pretty spectacular lineup failures in this game. Not starting a TE with a TE on the bench is the kind of error that makes me dread the prospect of fatherhood. It is hard to believe that I could ever be so busy that I would need Vic's retroactive lineup setting for two positions in one week. That said, it was the resurgence of Antonio Bryant that could have pushed the Aggies over the top in this matchup. Bryant is back to his old tricks from last year: namely, getting really productive at the right time of year. Unfortunately he (like his real team) will likely be in the consolation round. The Elmos survived an injury to QB Matt Ryan to pull out the close win. The real question going forward will be whether Vince Young can continue to win games for the Elmos and the Titans. At the pace he's going, VY is... dare we we say it... a potential keeper?
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