First Round Playoff Previews

Consolation Bracket

There was a time when kids behaved or they got a whipping. A time when Little League had winners and losers. Today, we have Ritalin and child abuse is illegal. Everyone gets a trophy and no one keeps score. And we have a consolation bracket. Without further ado, crappy previews for meaningless games.

(1) Nads of Steel XI
(4) Ballsacks

Classic Favre v. Rodgers match-up. This game comes down to the Gunslinger vs. his replacement. This game comes down to the best rookie receiver from this year (Crabtree) against the best rookie receiver from last year (Desean Jackson). Or maybe it comes down to The Nads running game against the Sacks' receivers. Chances are Indy still doesn't care about running up the score and the wins total, but Andre Johnson can get 20 points blindfolded in St. Louis. So... Ballsacks in an upset but no one cares.

Yahoo
Nads 82 Sacks 75

George's Pick
Sacks 88 Nads 63



(2) Breach Kid
(3) Crimson Pride

Peyton Manning! Chris Johnson! Brandon Marshall! This team is totally stacked. Congrats on steering the franchise to six whole wins. I get it, both these teams are better than the top two seeds. But their combined wins equal the Apples' 12, whose highest scoring non-QB is Joseph Addai. Life is like that sometimes. Enjoy the game, should be a good one.

Yahoo
Breach 94 Crimson Pride 93

George's Lead Pipe Lock
Crimson wins 102 to 109 (get it? because Breach Kid always gets screwed)


Actual Meaningful Games

(1) Newport Beach Apples
(4) Hoof Hearted

Vic has never won this league, and since his team will be in the clubhouse by 3pm (save for an afternoon game by the kicker), he'll be gnawing through his nails working out scenarios whereby Shayne Graham takes a botched fg attempt backwards 70 yards before fumbling for a -9.0. Schaub and Steven Jackson will trade tds like heavyweight fighters trade punches and by Sunday night DeAngelo Williams will need 200 yards and 3 tds. The Allen-Williams-Williams-Edwards Defensive Line ("Shock and AWWE") will not let that happen. Prepare for another week of smug Zhaotbursts and mock Zhaotrage from the likely champion and commissioner.

Yahoo
Apples 98 HH 92

George's Shoe-In of the Week
HH 112 Apples 89


(2) Vicodins
(3) Elmos

This is exactly the matchup I didn't want. Partly because my team sucks, partly because the Cowboys will stop every Saints WR except Marques Colston. So, long story short, it was a fun season. Barring a snowstorm in Jacksonville Thursday night this game won't have much drama. Unlike most of the rest of the season, at least the best team will win.* Also, Vince Young in the Super Bowl.

*Unless Randy Moss gets really angry about all the "quitting" talk and busts out a 240 yard and 3 td game. Fingers crossed?

Yahoo
Elmos 95 Vicodins 82

George's Stone Cold Lock of the Week of the Century
Elmos 91 Vicodins 72