Preview: RIGHT!
For two big poop-filled rosters this was a very exciting game. Mario Manningham didn’t get penalized for singlehandedly turning an Eli pass into an interception with his terrible hands, Drew Brees decided to let his defense do all the touchdown-ing, and Rashard Mendenhall scored all of his career fantasy points from the bench. On the Coastals Brady to Moss was showing some improvement but now-we-can-call-him-a-bust Darren McFadden screwed up his best scoring opportunity to date against the Houston Texans’ “defense.” Al Harris deciding that adjusting his mouthguard was more important than his job of guarding Bernard Berrian led to the Monday Night TD that sealed this for the Vicodins and their grudgingly-respectable namesake. The most interesting thing about this game is that two players switched sides the next day. Somehow the Vicodins’ crap performance gave them the confidence to mortgage their future for a title run. Then again, Rashard Mendenhall has had exactly one good game. That is about 400 fewer than Randy Moss.
At this time the Vicodins would like to wish Rashard Mendenhall all the best. He should do well behind this line, which by all accounts can protect him from both Big Show and Chris Jericho.
Aggies 80
ballsacks 58
Preview: RIGHT!
The ballsacks went the whole week without having any of their players carry the ball into the end zone. That is not ideal. Technically Sammy Morris toted the rock across the goal line, but that was from the bench so it never happened. Without TDs it is hard to win, especially when the Aggies had three of them from Pierre Thomas, Adrian Peterson, and the remarkably-not-on-waivers Antonio Bryant. Not the most interesting game in the history of the world, but for the first bye week it was pretty typical. Braylon Edwards failed to catch a pass for the first time in his career. That is not super interesting, but it is the second Michigan Wolverine WR specifically singled out for sucking in these wrap-ups.
Nads of Steel XI 86
Breach Kid 70
Preview: Wrong
Favre Favre Favre Favre Favre Favre. The Nads are making an impressive run with a team of old dudes. Favre, LT, TO, McGahee, and Torry freaking Holt on the bench! This team won my league 5 years ago. Breach Kid, despite having the advantage “on paper” didn’t get the insane Chris Johnson game that is apparently required to win. Sure you could point to Le’Ron McClain, who wouldn’t even start himself in a fantasy league, but this was just a bad week for the Breach. The ray of sunshine is Brandon Marshall, who shook off a touch of the crazy (and five Cowboys) to show that he might be the most dangerous guy in the NFL after the catch. I didn’t think that one through, so if you disagree you can just pretend I meant dangerous in the “he is crazy enough that he would kill you just to get out of playing for
Tackle Me Elmo 60
Preview: Wrong
Bowe! Ochocinco! Addai! Rivers! Are you getting nervous, Mercury Morris? The Elmos look strong when they have their real quarterback and MJD hitting on all cylinders. Sadly, fate and the bye week and prevented them from taking advantage of the Apples at their most vulnerable. Joseph Addai outplayed Pierre Garcon in the “these guys suck but not as bad as the Chiefs suck” sweepstakes, and theotherSteveSmith hammered several nails into the coffin of the upset-minded Elmo during the early games. It is too bad that our paltry league winnings won’t go far in the
Korn on the Kolb 95
Hoof Hearted 92
Preview: Wrong
In the world of names mocking untested quarterbacks I prefer Dirty Mark Sanchez, but that is one of the few beefs I have with Jonathan’s entry into the league. The other, of course, being his beatdown of me last week. Winning fantasy teams get big production from three types of players: kickers, tight ends, and receivers-with-hyphens. Kolb used all three to eke out a victory. The resurgence of Steve Slaton’s scoring came in handy as well. Both Texas-based QBs in this matchup were disappointing, an especially painful result for Victor who has made the wrong QB call 3 of 4 weeks. He should probably just pick on of his qbs and drop the other… or better yet, trade him to the Vicodins in time for week 5. Slaton may have scored, but he still looks kinda crappy, so Kolb’s title aspirations could hinge on getting a couple upgrades at the skill positions. Luckily Derrick Mason is on his bench, so getting rid of Donnie Avery is easy. As for Victor, he has been struck down by the curse of not reviewing all the fantasy teams. How am I going to know how many wins DropitlikeyurBraylon and Hoof Hearted will get?
DropItLikeUrBraylon 103
Steel Curtain X 71
Preview: Wrong
Despite an impressive performance by DropItLikeUrBraylon, this was kind of a boring matchup. The Curtain has been unlucky and un-good. Disappointing performances from everyone-not-named-Gates-or-Cutler won’t cut it against the juggernaut that is NFC North teams playing each other. The resurgent Carson Palmer and the reverse curse of HBO’s Hard Knocks has DropIt rolling. Knowshon is a number one option, Forte still sucks but is his team’s the only option, and Kevin Smith is fresh off Zach-and-Miri-induced depression and getting some running room thanks to the best wide receiver in the league and a not-incompetent rookie QB.
Until next week... Straight Cash, Homey.
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