Previews: Week 1

This week’s previews are brought to you by none other than the biggest celebrity on the planet, Barack Obama and his many quirky quotes. These previews reflect my audacity of hope.

Crimson Pride vs. Dawn of a New Day
“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time.”
Nay. Change will come only when you leave a league behind and then abruptly return demanding a rescheduling of the originally planned draft date and a reworking of the draft format to suit your needs. One would think that after all the hullabaloo, the herald of this change would have drafted a fantasy football team similar to what you would imagine God’s to be. Instead, this harbinger of revolution was stuck with Adrian Peterson and “a compilation of average fantasy football players.” I suggest the autodraft list next year.

Yahoo Lines: Dawn of a New Day -1.88, O/U 138.26
Picks: DoaND, Over

Steel Curtain IX vs. Breach Kid
“It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get to where we are today, but we have just begun.”
For those of you non-Romans, that IX means 9—as in the 9th Steel Curtain team in existence. This actually made me sad and brought a tear to my eye because I realized that I’ve been playing fantasy football with you losers for 9 damn years. As far as the contest, all I have to say is Tom Brady vs. the Kansas City defense = Easy Money.

Yahoo Lines: Steel Curtain +4.89, O/U 135.01
Picks: Steel Curtain to win, Over

LightsOut vs. Save Me Purple Jebus
“Do we participate in a politics of cynicism or a politics of hope?”
Not to be too cynical, but Eduardo better do more than hope if he plans to keep this one close. Gore, Forte and White at RB is not the ideal starting trio for this league. Purple Jebus can take a vacation, George’s team won’t need a whole lot of saving this week.

Yahoo Lines: Save Me Purple Jebus -12.81, O/U 132.77
Picks: SMPJ win, LO cover, Under

Big Apples vs. Hoof Hearted
“If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress.”
As mentioned in the Draft Grades, if there’s one thing you can count on, it’s Chris drafting RB’s early and often. That hasn’t always worked out for Big Apples teams of the past, but as usual, you can’t look at this year’s team on paper and make a call one way or the other on whether it will be just good or great. Victor’s Hoof Hearted team, however, is a testament to why you should not draft players while taxing to the runway in Newark.

Yahoo Lines: Big Apples -4.34, O/U 138.84
Picks: BA, Under

happyvalleycoastals vs. Nads of Steel
“We need to internalize this idea of excellence. Not many folks spend a lot of time trying to be excellent.”
Some folks do, however, spend a lot of time saying how excellent they are. But, maybe, what Barack’s trying to say is that we should be excellent to one another. San Dimas High School football rules! New topic: 3 years ago, while a hurricane bore down on the city of New Orleans during the one and only live draft in the history of this league, one Nads of Steel owner sat and prayed—to the porcelain god. He prayed for the pain to leave his body and to return to successes of 2002 and 2003 where he won the whole shabangabang. No luck that year, but seeing as there was another hurricane headed towards the Big Easy, I thought it was be a good time to recall the Nad’s 4th round pick in New Orleans made from the hotel room toilet: “Oh gawd....Jason… Witten!” Excellent indeed!

Yahoo Lines: happyvalleycoastals -3.33, O/U 147.95
Picks: NoS (Upset Special), Under


Tackle Me Elmo vs. ballsacks
“The fact that my 15 minutes of fame has extended a little longer than 15 minutes is somewhat surprising to me and completely baffling to my wife.”
Thank you! Thank you! I’ll be here all season. And seeing as the ballsacks roster is empty, it makes this call easy. Well, wait, I looked at his roster. Still easy.

Yahoo Lines: Tackle Me Elmo -74.89, O/U 74.89
Picks: TME wins, ballsacks covers, Over