Week 6 Previews - Wolverine Style -- Shnickety Shnack

As most of the games this week will be played on October 12^th, let us compare this weeks match ups to movies starring the 2^nd greatest Australian thespian of our time: Hugh Jackman, who was born on that day.

happyvalleycoastals vs. Dawn of a New Day – “Flushed Away”

In “Flushed Away”, Jackman lends his voice to a rat who thinks he’s big shit until he gets sent down the sewer into a hidden rat city that sucks, kinda like Happy Valley. Here he must persevere to get back to his former lavish lifestyle by fighting Toads and Frogs (McNabb and Moss?), but in the end figures out that he’s happier in Happ…er…rat city. So at the end of day, the rat wins but he’s still stuck in a shithole.

Hvc > DoaND, 63-56

Hoof Hearted vs. Steel Curtain IX – “The Fountain”

Spanning over one thousand years, and three parallel stories where all three main characters are played by Jackman, The Fountain is a story of love, death, spirituality, and the fragility of our existence in this world. In the movie, Jackman’s character is having trouble getting over the death of his beloved Thomasina Brady. In parallel, he’s also a conquistador back in the day trying to find the fountain of youth and in the future he’s some tripped out space traveler stuck in a bubble with a tree. Either way, he can’t get over the fact that something he loves is gone. Maybe playing against a Sammy Morris/Justin Fargas backfield will help him get by.

SC-IX > HH, 68-45

Save Me Purple Jebus vs. Crimson Pride – “Happy Feet”

Forget that this movie is about Penguins singing and the ultimate banning of fishing in the Antarctic region. If we concentrate on Jackman’s part alone,

he plays Memphis, the father of protagonist Mumble. Memphis one day dropped Mumble’s egg causing him to not be able to sing like the rest of the penguins. This made Mumble into an outcast that nobody liked, so he had to resort to writing unfunny comments/previews in his fantasy football league and talking smack about his first-place team after 5 weeks into a 16 week season.

CP > SMPJ, 75-65

ballsacks vs. Big Apples – “Kate and Leopold”

Jackman plays Leopold who comes to current day New York from the 1800’s through a time gap in a wall. At first, he is confused by his new surroundings but soon he falls in love with Meg Ryan (much to the chagrin of Tom Hanks) and all is well. What I’m trying to say is that everyone makes a crappy movie much like every Fantasy week brings us a crappy matchup.

bs > BA, 60-48

Breach Kid vs. LightsOut – “Van Helsing”

Forget the storyline all together; this movie had all the makings of a hit—Jackman as the hero, Kate Beckinsale in leather tights and with Transylvanian accent, and other hot vampire women wearing next to nothing. Turns out, the movie, while it did well in returns, sucked ass. Basically, this is a case of not meeting expectations. In fantasy football, there are only very few expectations: have your roster ready and write-up either wrap-ups or previews. This week LightsOut = FAIL.

BK > LO, 71-60

Tackle Me Elmo vs. Nads of Steel – “Swordfish”

One of the better movies in Hugh’s repertoire, Swordfish is a story about a renegade group that taps Jackman’s character, the greatest hacker in the world, to break into a system where a bank loads a crap load of money. Jackman’s character is basically a tool, but John Travolta is a certifiable badass—when you think you’ve got him all figured out and down for the count, he puts up the weekly high score and is asked to write the previews.

TME > NoS, 80-65